... I'm just bored. I need to talk to my friends who are in the US... I only have ONE of their msns... -_-

I feel like I'm just going to cut off all connection with them if I don't go back soon... Even though that place is.. boring.. nothing to do.. at ALL...

OKAY. PLANS.

1. Kuroshitsuji cosplay with
2. Form a real rock/nu-metal/alternative metal band with my best of buddies, Sophie, Kevin, Ryan, and Melody.
3. Finish the first chapter of the manga I'm working on with another good buddy in my martial arts class.
4. hopefully... QUIT SCHOOL DX
5. Meet at least two of my idols. It's highly possible, I'm not kidding.
6. Stay in touch with the dudes/dudettes in the US. GET ON MSN YOU PEOPLE D:<
7. ... Be myself. o_o

ANGST CORNER:

Never did this before, but I really have to before I go INSANE.

The kids at the school I'm currently attending... are in a whole different league than me... Sure, they joke around and try to piss the teachers off, but their whole academic skills are... math in Taiwan is beyond the math I had learned in the US... Moreover, I'm the only one in the entire class who can't read chinese properly... Whenever we finish writing a small essay in class, we have to check each other's, trading our essays around the class randomly. I hate it whenever the person who got mine sighs in frustration just by looking at my NAME, and they immediately try to trade with another person...

The only thing they acknowledge me of is my art... the manga I'm drawing... and my singing... That's all... Not my personality. Not anything else... They laugh at my mistakes in class. Even the nicest student in class seems to be almost annoyed by my presence. I'm not going 'emo' over that, no, I won't go emo. I'm just fuckin FRUSTRATED... I've never liked to be 'alone' even though I would prefer it. Alright, I'm fine being alone, with noone next to me, that's fine, but if I'm alone, knowing no one wanted me to be by them, then that's what I hate. I fucking LOATHE that feeling. But I'm feeling it everyday at school...

The only thing that can even comfort me is just... music... LM.C, Miyavi, Gackt's videos even, and the thought of my dreams coming true fast... That's all... all I can do to comfort myself is replaying all the concerts I've ever been to in my head, thinking how lucky I was to get free tickets and front seats... But it's really no good without any real friends you know?

I have real friends, one who's in America and is coming back real soon a few weeks later, the only person who I ever got along with in just five minutes due to our similar personalities and traits, another who's decided to form a band with me, and another who's in China, our band's future guitarist, who didn't treat me like a girl, but like a normal friend, calling me 'little brother' and joking at my boyish traits.

I don't even care about school anymore, I REALLY DON'T. Its just a feeling, a strong feeling, saying "I don't want to continue school. Fuck homework and math and all that shit. Fuck academic stuff." I know it's wrong to think that, my mom wants me to just do well in school and my homework and tests, but I'm not improving at ALL in this school... the language, I can understand it when its spoken, but having to memorize the words and chinese characters and phrases is HELL. My mind isn't even fit for memorizing things like that, or its just I simply have no interest so I don't even try to memorize it automatically. No matter how much I try to study, I just CAN'T remember a thing. Because I have no interest in it...

I'm starting to feel more depressed everyday, whenever I see anyone's exasperated face that they direct at me. I want to yell at them, tell them to give me a break, tell them how I actually feel, and just break down and run out of the school grounds. I really want to. But I can't. I'm not one to show weakness to others, I don't like doing that, because I hate feeling vulnerable just like almost every other human.

It's just the same in the US. I realized, that the students in the US really are just... barely anything compared to the ones in Taiwan. In Taiwan, students have to do everything by themselves, cleaning the whole school after the bell rang, washing their own lunch boxes, even getting our lunch set up by ourselves. That's the reason why everyone is so... independent here... The only things they would need are friends, and good grades, and their own personalities. So different in America... Where girls would wear what was in style, copying other ' popular' girls, and where boys would just try to act 'cool'.

Being in different environments, and I mean TOTALLY different, really is messing me up... I'm on the point of breaking already, I don't know what would happen, the only thing I can do is just... deal with it. School's over in another two weeks. I can definitely pull through, but if they treat me like I'm a lowly idiot, then I'll just break. That's all. I almost broke down last week. The only reason I didn't was thinking of the X Japan concert, which made me feel a new passion for our future band. But, if that's the only thing I can even use to feel, then I'm so screwed.

I'm really not going 'emo', this is called 'venting my frustration online', okay? So all you 'emo' flamers just shut the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone, cause I'm not going to give a fuck if you start calling me 'emo'.

The only upside of being in Taiwan.. actually, there are only upsides. Being in America is hell. Being in Taiwan allows me to be able to actually meet my dream... Which has already came true.

I'm not saying that the US sucks, there's still a store there that sells all the visual kei clothes which I can never FIND, and I HAVE TO GO BACK TO BUY THEM. NO MATTER WHAT. ABSOLUTELY. And I need clothes from Hot Topic, which they don't even have in Taiwan... Apparently, Taiwan doesn't appreciate 'emo/goth' style. They only have ' punk'. If they call that kinda hairstyle and clothes ' punk', then Taiwanese people seriously have no sense of style... sorry >> I mean the Taiwanese people who... only stayed in Taiwan.. which is about... 70%... yeah... anyways... Sorry for sounding like a bitch.

I'm seriously wondering if I'm even human anymore, I barely feel 'joy' unless it has something to do with music/art. Actually, I just don't know anymore. I'm serious, I'm not trying to get attention, I'm just... I don't know... I'm just angsting away. I've never angsted properly before actually, but I'm feeling good...

... Good feeling gone... -_- I don't want to go to school anymore... There's just... maybe this is what they call 'denial'. o_o...

Sorry for taking up yer time... I'll shut up and wallow in my confusion while eating delicious juicy lychee fruit...

That made no sense did it? o_o